Why Every Mom Needs a Non-Mom BFF
When I got pregnant with my first son at age 23, I was not in good company; most of my friends weren’t even in serious relationships, let alone married and having children.
As excited as I was about beginning a new chapter in my life, I was fearful of what I was losing. People (and by people, I mostly mean my mom) didn’t hesitate to remind me constantly that my life was changing and that others who were not in a similar situation would soon be dodging my phone calls and invites to visit.
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I began to imagine my future as this really sad life where I was home alone, overweight, wearing pajama pants for days on end, with only a baby to talk at for the rest of forever. Or at least for the rest of my 20s.
Fortunately my bestie, true godsend of a friend that she is, stood steadfastly by my side through the birth of my first son. I eventually added two more tiny humans to my brood, and now, 13 years later, she has joined me in this crazy thing called motherhood and finally welcomed her own bouncing bundle.
I’ve thoroughly enjoyed welcoming her to the dark side mom life, but our new friend dynamic has helped me realize that she previously filled a role in my life that I truly adored having: the non-mom friend.
Here are 5 reasons why ever momma needs her childless BFF counterpart:
1. They inspire and support activities that don’t have a single thing to do with your kids.
When you’re a stay-at-home mom, the majority of your day-to-day life revolves around your children. You don’t go to work and manage office issues, or have a work husband to chat with, or deadlines to meet. Many of the people you interact with daily live a similar lifestyle, and so most of your conversations and interactions occur among and about your children. All of this adds up to a complete disappearance of any creative cursing, and the new standard for scintillating conversation involving a play by play of the easy, healthy recipe you were able to trick your 2-year-old into eating.
Non-mom friends add an intellectual spice to your life you may not be able to find in the day-to-day mom conversations or the grunts you make to your spouse as you hand him the baby for his middle of the night turn.
If nothing else, on the rare occasion that you can slip away for an evening with her, she supports your desire to dance on the tiny dance floor at the pub, or sing on the stage at the karaoke bar, or lay on the ground at a winery and enjoy every moment of the afternoon sun and free tastings that have you more wasted than half a glass of wine should.
2. They don’t judge your parenting or offer unsolicited advice.
And, if they do, you can easily dismiss and ignore it because you know she doesn’t really know what she’s talking about. When other mothers do it, there’s a teeny weenie meanie voice in the back of your mind telling you that she could be right, because she’s such a good mom, who wear real pants and tinted moisturizer like every single day. But when your friend-who-has-never-even-been-in-a-room-with-a-baby-that-wasn’t-yours says, “Are you sure you’re doing that right?” — you know she’s just asking because she’s curious and possibly horrified, not silently judging your technique and praying for the sake of your baby.
3. They help you keep your fashion game in order.
I wound up on What NOT to Wear (yes, THAT What NOT to Wear), because my non-mom BFF had had just about enough of my ho-hum-I’m-fat-and-no-one-cares-least-of-all-me attitude. It was literally the most life-changing experience I’ve ever had. You know, behind motherhood, and marriage, and freshman year of college in the dorms.
4. They are happy to spend an entire night NOT talking about kids.
Sure they ask the obligatory “how’s little Johnnie doing with his um, breastfeeding thingy or whatever” questions, but once those are out of the way, all bets are off. You can sit happily at a two person table and catch up on everything TMZ has posted in the past 6 months.
5. They remind you that motherhood is a gift.
A gift you will one day be so very happy to share with them.